Buzz: A Second Chance Romance Page 4
“I can’t. It’s my work cell.”
I sigh. “And?” It’s been six weeks since I found out about her job and I’m still coming to terms with it. Even though I always want her to be honest with me, I think I preferred it when I was oblivious. What you don’t know can’t hurt you. And it hurts me when I think about her with other men. It hurts me when her damn cell keeps interrupting our date nights. I don’t care if it’s the busiest time of the year for honey trapping. I don’t care that she catches the most cheaters at Christmas parties. The only thing I care about is her. Us.
“And you know I can’t ignore it,” she replies.
“Yes, you can. Nobody’s going to die. It’s not like you’re some kind of surgeon on call.”
She scowls. “I may not be a surgeon, but I still take my career seriously. When the phone rings, I answer it.”
“Stop being defensive.”
“I’m not.”
“There you go again.” I groan and adjust the contents of my boxer shorts as she answers the call. I open the ice cream and dig in as I watch her. “Can somebody else do it?” she asks her boss. “No, it’s fine. What time?” She pauses. “Okay, send me the information.”
She hangs up and I pull the spoon out of my mouth. “Let me guess; you’re leaving me?”
“I’m sorry. I should be back in a couple of hours. I asked if somebody else could go but it’s a high-profile case; some reality star. She doesn’t trust any of the newer girls to trap him.”
“Another douchebag from Big Brother?”
She looks down at her feet. “No. Survivor.”
I shake my head as I place the lid back on to the ice cream. “Well, so much for Netflix and chill.”
“Are you going to wait here for me?”
“Nah, I need a drink.” A stiff one. “I’ll call around and see who is free.”
“I’m sorry.”
I walk past her, carrying both tubs of ice cream. “Me too.”
“Please don’t be pissed at me.”
“I’m not. I’m pissed at your job. I’m pissed at your boss.” I don’t know why I’m even feeling this way. It shouldn’t surprise me anymore. Since she came clean about her job, she’s been working a lot more. I can’t remember the last time we spent the whole evening together. This time last year, it wouldn’t bother me one bit. In fact, it would be the perfect relationship. Lots of sex and not much conversation. No dates. No sleepovers. But Lori makes me want more and right now, I’m not getting that.
She walks over to me and snuggles into my chest. “I’ll call you when I’m done. Maybe you can come back later.”
“Maybe.”
I already know that I won’t be back.
“I just don’t get why we can’t stay in one place,” Mason says as we walk into the fourth bar of the night. “The drinks are all the same.”
“I get bored easily.”
“Well, I already know that.”
“Then why are you even asking? I like to people watch.” And I’ve also been secretly looking out for Lori. I know she’s at a bar but I don’t know which one. I check my cell and have no missed calls which means she can’t be home yet. I look around the room as we walk over to the bar but there’s no sign of her.
“Are you ready to talk about it?” Mason asks as I lean against the counter.
“Nope.”
“I’m here for you, Brother. I went through the same thing with Sophia, so I know how it feels.”
“Nah. Soph quit as soon as you two got together. She wanted to be with you more than she wanted the job. Lori obviously thinks what we have isn’t worth saving.”
“I don’t believe that for one second. Have you spoken to her about it?”
“Kind of. Not properly. I told her to ignore her cell earlier but she wouldn’t listen. She knows I don’t like what she does but she does it anyway.” Mason says something in response, but I don’t make out any of the words. No, all I hear is Lori’s laugh. I look around the room once more and that’s when I see her. She’s sitting in a booth in the far corner and some dickhead has his arm around her. He’s whispering into her ear and she’s got her hand on his knee. They look like a couple. A real couple. I can feel the rage stirring deep inside of me. I start to walk over to them but a hand pulls me back. “Stop,” Mason says firmly. “Don’t be stupid.”
I spin around to face him. “Don’t call me stupid.” He might be my best friend but I’m fucking raging right now.
“Then stop acting stupid. It’s not real.”
“It looks pretty fucking real to me. Her hand is on his leg. Why the fuck is she touching him?”
“It’s her job.”
“No. Her job is to trap him. To catch him touching her leg, not the other way around.”
“It’s just an act.”
“Then she deserves a fucking Oscar.”
Mason sighs and wraps an arm around my neck. “You don’t need to watch this. Let’s go home and in about an hour, Lori will come home to you. Nobody else. You.”
“The way she’s looking at him right now, it wouldn’t surprise me if she went home with him instead.”
“She’s good at her job.”
“A little too good if you ask me. I’m going over there.”
“You’ll lose her if you do that. Let’s just go to a different bar. We can meet her when she’s done.”
“No. I’m staying here.”
“Okay well at least sit down.” He pulls up a chair and I do as he says. “Listen, Brother. You know that I love you, but you had the choice to end it when you found out and you decided not to. You chose to stay with her.”
“I’m aware of what happened.”
“Then you can’t throw it in her face.” I know that he’s right but I don’t want to admit it. We sit in silence for a few minutes. “I really think you need to be honest with her. Keeping it bottled up is just going to make everything ten times worse.”
I shrug. “It’s my shit, not hers. I’ll take care of it.”
“A relationship is a two-way street. She needs to know how you’re feeling.”
“I’ll take care of it,” I say again, a little blunter this time. I order another drink and down it in one as soon as it arrives.
After ten minutes of pure hell and a whole load of self-control, Mason finally convinces me to leave. I stand up and look over at them one last time and that’s when the world comes to a shuddering halt.
They’re kissing.
I stand there, frozen to the spot, and wait for it to end.
But it doesn’t.
A few seconds later, his mouth is still on hers.
Why isn’t she stopping? Why isn’t she pulling away? She’s proved that he’s a cheater so now it’s game over.
STOP KISSING HIM.
I see red when his hand touches her ass. I turn around and swipe at the empty glasses on the counter, causing them to fall to the ground and smash.
Mason quickly grabs hold of me and drags me away, pushing me out of a fire door. “Please calm down,” he says, sounding worried.
He should be.
“Let me back in there.”
I’m bigger than him and if I really wanted to, I could get past him. But I don’t want to fight Mason and I don’t particularly want to fight the loser she was kissing. I just want him to back the fuck away from my girl. I shout, letting some of my anger out. Mason gets right up in my face and makes me look at him. “You can get through this. Come back to my place and we can talk about it. We can figure out what to do.”
“I already know what I need to do.”
I’m just struggling to accept it.
“What time do you want to catch the movie tomorrow?” I ask Lori as I scroll through my phone. “There’s a show at eight fifteen and another at nine thirty. We could grab food first then go to the nine thirty show.”
“Tomorrow? I can’t. I’m working.”
I sigh. “Since when?”
“Yesterday.”
; “Do you not remember us making plans? Obviously not.”
“I’m sorry. We can go on Saturday instead.”
“I want to go tomorrow.”
“Then ask Mason.”
I close my eyes and count to ten. This past week has been super difficult. Ever since I saw her in the bar, I’ve been doubting everything. I’ve tried my hardest to forget about it but I’m struggling. “I don’t want to go with Mason. I want to go with you. Can’t your boss send somebody else instead? You work way too much.”
She frowns. “Buzz, you work from seven in the morning until seven in the evening.”
“Exactly. That’s why I want to see you afterwards but you’re always working.”
“Well yeah, it’s part of my job. I work evenings. We hardly get any jobs to trap people in the day. Most people are at work.”
“Yes, because they have normal jobs.”
She folds her arms across her chest. “Don’t be an ass about it.”
“I’m not being an ass. I think I’ve been very patient and understanding so far.”
“So far. Do you have a problem? I feel like you’re not saying something.”
I consider lying to her. I consider brushing it under the carpet like I have done for the past week. For the past month. But I can’t. It’s eating me up inside. I’m starting to resent her and I won’t allow it. She doesn’t deserve that. I stand up and slide my cell into my jeans pocket. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
I gesture between us. “This. Us. I need some time to figure things out.”
She swallows hard. “I don’t…why…is it because of my job?”
“That’s a huge part of it, yeah.”
“But I thought you accepted it.”
“I did. I do. But I don’t like it. I don’t like how it makes me feel. I don’t like what it’s doing to us.”
“And how does it make you feel?”
“Like I’m losing my fucking mind. I don’t want you around other men.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this when I first told you?”
“Because I thought I’d be okay with it, but it turns out I’m not. I’m not okay with being priority number two.”
“Priority number two?” She throws her hands up in the air. “Stop being so childish.”
“I’m being honest. I don’t think I’m ready.”
“Ready for what exactly?”
“All of it. All of these feelings.”
“You mean you’re not ready to love me?”
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be feeling this way if I wasn’t falling in love with her. I wouldn’t care about her job. I wouldn’t care about the other men. “I never wanted a girlfriend…”
“So then why did you make me one?” she interrupts. “Why did you string me along if you knew you didn’t want this?”
“I thought I did. I just need some time. I’m not used to feeling this way.”
“So you’re scared?”
“Of course I am. I’m scared of fucking everything up.”
“But that’s what you’re doing anyway by running away.”
“I’m not running away.”
“Yes, you are! When are you going to grow up? When are you going to accept that this is the best you’re going to get?”
“I already know that.”
“Then why are you pushing me away?”
“Because you deserve better.”
“Oh my god!” she shouts. “Don’t you dare come out with that bullshit! Don’t tell me what I deserve. I know what I deserve. I know what I want. Don’t try and put this on me. You’re the one ending it for your own stupid, selfish reasons. You’re not doing this for me. You’re doing it for yourself.”
“That’s not true. I’m doing it for both of us.” I sigh. “I can’t handle…” I’m about to tell her about the other night and about the sleepless nights which followed when she interrupts me again.
“You can’t handle a relationship? You can’t handle all these big boy emotions? What are you going to do instead, Buzz? Are you going to carry on fucking everything with a pulse? Are you going to be a player for the rest of your life?”
“No. I don’t want that at all.”
I follow her as she walks over to the front door. “You obviously do.”
“Lori, I don’t. I just need some time. I promise I’m going to…”
She holds up her hand. “I don’t want any more of your promises. Get out of my house. I’ll collect any of your things and give them to Sophia. She can pass them to Mason.”
“Please can we just talk for a little longer?”
“No. I’ve heard everything I need to hear. We’re done.” Her eyes fill with tears as she opens the door. “I don’t even know why I’m mad at you. This is my own fault. I thought I could change you. I should have followed my head instead of my stupid heart.”
“Lor, you have changed me.”
She opens the door even wider. “You wouldn’t be leaving right now if I had.”
“That’s exactly why I’m leaving. I’m trying to do the right thing. I’m trying to figure this out but it’s all new to me and you don’t deserve to be a guinea pig. I want to do better. I want to be better.”
“Well Lord knows I’ll be better off without you messing up my life.”
She closes the door in my face and the only thing stopping my heart from shattering is knowing that this can’t be the end for us.
It can’t be.
Can it?
Her departing words haunt me for the next six months.
I can’t believe my best friend has turned into a ‘we’ man. I loosen my tie in an attempt to hide my disgust. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that he’s happy but I hate hearing couples refer to themselves as ‘we’ all of the time. I was looking forward to a nice cold beer after a long day at the office but no, they have plans…again. It wouldn’t surprise me if Sophia holds his dick while he’s taking a piss.
Loved up motherfuckers.
“Sex plans or actual plans?” I ask.
He laughs. “In my world, sex plans are actual plans.”
“You know what I mean, dumbass. Are you ditching me just to get laid?”
“No. We have dinner plans.”
I pretend to yawn but it turns into a genuine one. “Let me guess; romantic dinner for two?”
His steps falter. “Um, no. No…we’re actually having a couple of guests over to the new house. Sophia’s been talking about hosting a dinner party for a while now.” He winks. “She’s doing all of the cooking so if I’m off sick tomorrow, you know why.”
It’s blatantly obvious that he’s trying to change the subject. “Who are your guests, Mason?”
“Jeez, you’re asking a lot of questions tonight.”
“And you keep trying to dodge them. Just tell me. Will Lori be there? Is that why you’re acting weird?” He nods and I try my best to act casual. “So where’s my invite?”
“Sophia’s super excited about hosting. We spent five hours shopping for dinner plates the other day. Five. For plates.”
“And she’s worried that I won’t like the ones you chose?”
“No. I just don’t want there to be any…awkwardness.”
“Why would it be awkward? We’re all adults. I’m sure we’re both mature enough to eat dinner in the same room.”
“She is.”
“Sit me at the other end of your ridiculously oversized table if you’re worried,” I reply with a wink. “It’s so big that I won’t even be able to see her.”
“Nah, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“It’s a great idea. I’ll get to see how your new game room is coming along.”
“Dude, she won’t be alone.”
I stop walking as his words hit me right in the gut. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Sorry I didn’t mention it. I didn’t want to upset you but that’s no excuse. I should have told you.”
“Why would it upset me? I
’m the one who broke up with her, remember?” We continue walking in silence for a couple of minutes until my head feels like it’s about to explode. The question pours out of me before I can even try to stop it. “Who is he?”
He sighs. “I don’t know.”
“Who is he?” I ask again.
“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t heard Sophia talk about him much.”
“You haven’t heard her talk about him much. So what have you heard?”
“Just little snippets here and there, places he was taking her and that kind of thing. This is why I didn’t mention anything to you; because I don’t know how serious it is and I knew you’d act like this.”
“Act like what?”
“Like this.”
I pick at an invisible piece of thread on my jacket. “What time?”
“How about you come to the next one instead?”
“What time?” I say again.
He stops walking and turns to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “You know that I love you, Brother, but if you ruin this for Sophia then you’re fired. I mean it.”
I grin as I mock salute him. “Yes, boss.”
“Please don’t make me regret this. Seven thirty. Bring flowers.”
I give myself a little pep talk as I pace up and down outside Mason’s house.
It’s going to be fine; it’s just dinner.
With my ex.
Who I still think about every day.
And her new boyfriend.
Who I want to kill.
Stop it. I can do this. I need to do this. Maybe this will be the closure that we need. The closure that I need. Maybe seeing her happy with another man will allow me to finally move on.
I take a deep breath and ring the doorbell. We were friends once, we can be friends again.
Fuck that. Who am I kidding? We were never friends. What we had was way more than friendship. This is going to be a fucking disaster. I haven’t seen her in six months, since the night we ended things…and it didn’t end well. I didn’t get any relief. I didn’t get any closure. I got heartache.